So Zoom is the latest and hottest thing in teleconferencing apps, and it’s become the official video conferencing interface of the 2020 CoronaVirus pandemic. Isn’t that a cheerful backdrop for your company to get famous?
Lately I see a few people having fun with Zoom backgrounds. There’s the burning house meme which went viral. Others have picked backgrounds from The Office or Star Trek: The Next Generation. I figured I’d join in the fun, because if there’s one thing you all need right now to cope with the epidemic, it’s my deep-fried dark sense of humor.
How to change a Zoom background
There’s several tutorials for this on the web, here’s one:
This guy likes “professional” images and goes to Shutterstock for custom Zoom backgrounds. That’s OK if you’re boring. This is 2020, if any trace of “professionalism” survives this year, it is because you have all failed me.
For making your own Zoom backgrounds, the dimensions you want are 1920×1080 (aspect ratio 16:9). You can have either JPG or PNG. I prefer JPG because it loads faster and you don’t need that much detail on somebody’s screen when you’re shrunk to a window.
The main thing that people seem to have a hard time grasping in the fine art of the Zoom wallpaper is that your head is going to be in the middle third of the image. The image still has to have room for you. So a big thing in the middle of the image is wasted. You want the important details to be around the wings of the image, so viewers get it.
With that said, here’s my gallery of custom Zoom backgrounds for you to grab or use for inspiration. Click / tap the image to get the full size version.
Zoom backgrounds
Abandoned Mall
It’s all about the death of capitalism and the joyless whimsy of the fallen retail empire. Or just a really neat background in your private mall.
Ambulance Interior
I know I’d only call you in an emergency, but my whole life is one big emergency! Perfect image to convey to your coworkers that you’re not feeling so hot yourself.
Troy and Abed in the Morning
Are you a Community fan? Are your co-workers old enough to get it? Are you just disgustingly cheerful first thing in the morning? Make yourself a guest star.
Death Note L
Are you a Death Note fan? Do your co-workers understand enough about manga that you won’t have to explain it? Or are you just a really in-demand expert with a reputation for eccentricity who happens to work remotely over a laptop? Hey, these days, who isn’t?
Futuristic Beach
Kinda puzzling, but fun and unique. This is one case where I saw this lurking in my old desktop background folder and it clicked into place. It’s just relaxed enough to be recreational, just futuristic enough to be motivating, and just decayed enough to be relevant to an apocalypse.
Haunted Mansion wallpaper
Grim grinning ghosts about to socialize! This is a replica of the wallpaper within the Disneyland Haunted Mansion ride. Even if viewers don’t recognize it, it’s still Gothic enough to set the proper tine.
Warner Brothers Loony Tunes
These days, who doesn’t feel like a cartoon character? Be your daffiest with this inspirational Zoom background.
The Lost Temple
Tap into your inner Indiana Jones as you embark on your new work-from-home adventure. To me, this is how freelancing feels. You never have a relevant plan available when you’re confronting one novel situation after another, so you have to be good at making things up as you go along.
Prison Cell
Go directly to Zoom jail; do not pass GO, do not collect $200. Great for sending a message to the rest of your team about how you feel in your current situation.
The Sewer
This one’s ambiguous on purpose. Maybe it’s a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reference, maybe it’s a commentary on your job, or maybe dark interiors work better when everybody’s telecommuting from their basements. I just supply the stage; you bring the narrative.
Spaceship Cabin
No, it’s not Star Trek, and it isn’t anything else specific. Just a generic space colony setting, for you underlings who don’t happen to enjoy officer rank.
The Spooky Graveyard
Can’t have your zombie apocalypse without your foggy graveyard, now can you?
Strip Club
When you want your background to show how exploited you are. Feeling like the boss’ little gimp? Whoring your talent out for a few paltry tips? We’ve all been there. This also makes a fitting setting for non-work purposes, because I have a feeling business conferences aren’t the only thing Zoom is going to be used for.
Super Mario World map
A light-hearted one with some retro Super Nintendo style.
The Shining carpet pattern
The carpet pattern from The Shining. Because you are totally nailing being trapped indoors all the time with your loved ones and nothing to do, right? You have no problems being a reliable remote worker, perish the thought.
Torture Chamber
Let’s be real. You don’t enjoy being at work, that’s why they have to pay you. Sardonically express your masochism as you meekly comply with your team’s demands.
Treehouse
This one’s a little lightened up. Rustic, outdoors, goes with the birdcalls coming in your window if you live where that happens. Feels like the cool kids’ club where you can read comic books in peace.
Urban Graffiti
Bring the hip-hop heat from the street! Great for concrete jungle motifs, rough characters, and people who get things done without necessarily going through the official channels. Nobody is actually dealing drugs in Zoom, right?
VaporWave
Sort of on the Barbie side, but also arty and just the right wave for the people who get it.
Weinstein casting couch
And finally, the Harvey Weinstein casting couch. For when you’re attending a virtual interview (no seriously do not do this), or just want to send a subtle hint that you’re aware how much you’re being exploited. It’s even topically relevant since Weinstein himself is reported to have contracted CoronaVirus on top of being in prison. This brings it full circle!
Wow, I haven’t done a gallery background post in years! This is how I came into the blogging game in the first place was graphics, way back when.
