{"id":640,"date":"2020-03-06T12:50:14","date_gmt":"2020-03-06T18:50:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/penguinpetes.com\/wordpress\/?p=640"},"modified":"2020-03-24T14:06:37","modified_gmt":"2020-03-24T20:06:37","slug":"vague-art-house-indie-movie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/penguinpetes.com\/wordpress\/2020\/03\/06\/vague-art-house-indie-movie\/","title":{"rendered":"Vague Art House Indie Movie"},"content":{"rendered":"

OPENING THEME<\/p>\n

We are experiencing a montage of images from inside the protagonist’s head. In rapid succession we see: An apple being sliced in half by a chainsaw. A horse galloping out of a toilet. A balloon with frosting on top baking in a microwave.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

EXTERIOR – DAY – MEDIUM SHOT<\/p>\n

We are looking at the broad blue wall of a house that fills the frame. Two symmetrical red-silled windows are open in the wall. At the same time, TWINS, identical women in 18th century period dress, emerge from either window to stick their heads out to us.<\/p>\n

TWINS (in unison)<\/p>\n

“We are the Wes Anderson homage!”<\/p>\n

INTERIOR – A LIMITLESS WHITE VOID<\/p>\n

DIRECTOR faces us sitting in a director’s chair, wearing a baseball cap and with a megaphone at his side. He brings the megaphone up to his mouth to address the audience.<\/p>\n

DIRECTOR (into megaphone)<\/p>\n

“We need a David Lynch noise here! How about… OOOOOOAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEE…”<\/p>\n

As DIRECTOR continues to vocalize, the lights flicker on and off ten times. A lightbulb shatters, and DIRECTOR goes silent, slumping over in his chair. He is revealed in close-up to have been a ventriloquist’s dummy. Smoke fills the screen. A wailing industrial machinery sound fades in. The smoke clears. Different-colored smoke fills the screen. The smoke clears some more.<\/p>\n

INTERIOR – DAY<\/p>\n

We are in a cafe. BOY, 22, and GIRL, 19, are seated at a table facing each other. They have both ordered the biggest venti double-machiato piled high with whipped cream, but neither of them have touched their beverage.<\/p>\n

BOY<\/p>\n

“I’m going to – (he interrupts himself, facing offscreen) – Can we shut off the wailing industrial machinery noise please?”<\/p>\n

The noise goes silent.<\/p>\n

BOY<\/p>\n

“Thank you – (turning back to face GIRL) – I’m going to break up with you.”<\/p>\n

GIRL<\/p>\n

“Damn. Now I’m going to go slowly crazy in an amusingly quirky way for the remaining hour and a half runtime.”<\/p>\n

– cut to –<\/p>\n

DIRECTOR, still a dummy, is manipulated by PRODUCTION MANAGER to hold up the megaphone again.<\/p>\n

DIRECTOR (offscreen to BOY and GIRL)<\/p>\n

“What the hell was that? That was coherent, it made sense! We can’t do that, they’ll say we sold out!”<\/p>\n

etc…<\/p>\n

\n

If you’re wondering what that was all about, see my comment under this review<\/a>.<\/p>\n

TL;DR: I’m caught in another scandal where a new VAHIM (vague art-house indie movie) that just came out and got reviewed is being accused of ripping off an old VAHIM we reviewed a bit ago. I content they’re both VAHIM drivel with 1000 VAHIMs just like them. Then I vowed to write the ultimate VAHIM script. But this is as far as I’ve gotten.<\/p>\n

The elder VAHIM is the one where I got quoted on the movie poster<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OPENING THEME We are experiencing a montage of images from inside the protagonist’s head. In rapid succession we see: An apple being sliced in half by a chainsaw. A horse galloping out of a toilet. 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