{"id":283,"date":"2019-02-09T10:06:50","date_gmt":"2019-02-09T16:06:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/penguinpetes.com\/wordpress\/?p=283"},"modified":"2020-07-20T00:00:15","modified_gmt":"2020-07-20T06:00:15","slug":"reasons-why-im-not-popular-on-social-media","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/penguinpetes.com\/wordpress\/2019\/02\/09\/reasons-why-im-not-popular-on-social-media\/","title":{"rendered":"Reasons Why I’m Not Popular On Social Media:"},"content":{"rendered":"
    \n
  1. \n

    I’m not suicidal. If I was, I wouldn’t be burdening millions of strangers with my tragic situation.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    I’m not bent, broken, destroyed, or despondent of all hope, and even if I was, the last thing I’d do is reach out to the Internet for support. I would go to the doctor.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  3. \n

    I never did heroin, so I have nothing to celebrate being two weeks clean and sober from. I would think I would get credit for never having done heroin in the first place, but apparently you’re only a good person if you did do heroin, then quit and brag about it.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  4. \n

    I get my pets the old-fashioned way from a local shelter, not rescuing a shivering abused stray from a dumpster and nursing it back from the brink of starvation. It’s my fault for not staking out dumpsters more.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  5. \n

    I’m not at all socially awkward. I’m perfectly comfortable making eye contact and small talk. I’ve even managed to stay married for a sustained length of time. Damn me for working to be such a well-adjusted person.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  6. \n

    I don’t have fourteen grandmothers who die every month so I can post memorials about them.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  7. \n

    I never had cancer, so I can’t kick its ass. I’m smoking as fast as I can over here, but no luck.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  8. \n

    I’m not blown away by nostalgia for something that just happened, nor do I consider myself in an exclusive club just for remembering something that a bunch of other people remember.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  9. \n

    I don’t know the names of any porn stars. This is because I’m simply not that impressed with porn to follow it that closely.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  10. \n

    I don’t get into petty fights with my work partners, rage-quit, then miraculously land a new job offer the next day with a prestigious company at twice my former pay.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  11. \n

    I don’t get disproportionately outraged over minor inconveniences. If it happens to me, I figure it’s probably happened to several other people who didn’t feel the need to make a big scene about it.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  12. \n

    I use proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Should I sue my school for making me unpopular?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  13. \n

    I don’t pimp my children in staged “pranks” which will traumatize them for life. I had kids because I wanted to raise human beings, not for access to slave labor to enhance my ego.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  14. \n

    Most things do not offend me. Even when they do, I get over it fast.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  15. \n

    If I see a celebrity, I leave them alone because I think that’s what they want. Consequently, I have no archive of selfies of me next to famous people with a strained smile trying to be polite.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  16. \n

    I don’t get outraged at people not being the fans of the same media franchises I’m a fan of.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  17. \n

    I’m not threatened by people from other demographics, so I don’t post anything bigoted about them to be validated by other people with the same bigotries.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  18. \n

    I do not have anybody bake me a cake themed after anything in pop culture. I don’t even like cake. If I’m hungry enough to get food, I’m too hungry to take its picture before I eat it.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  19. \n

    I don’t spontaneously repost, like, and share everyone who does any of the above.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n

  20. \n

    I don’t consider it worth the effort to lie about any of the above.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n

    I’m just an old man who doesn’t get it, I guess.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I’m not suicidal. If I was, I wouldn’t be burdening millions of strangers with my tragic situation. I’m not bent, broken, destroyed, or despondent of all hope, and even if I was, the last thing I’d do is reach out to the Internet for support. I would go to the doctor. I never did heroin, … Continue reading “Reasons Why I’m Not Popular On Social Media:”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":284,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,38,44],"tags":[28,30,42],"class_list":["post-283","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-main","category-media","category-snark","tag-geek-culture","tag-lists","tag-rants"],"yoast_head":"\nReasons Why I'm Not Popular On Social Media: - Penguin Pete's Greatest Hits<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A list of twenty reasons why I'm not popular on social media, chiefly because I don't go around making a big ass-clown out of myself.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/penguinpetes.com\/wordpress\/2019\/02\/09\/reasons-why-im-not-popular-on-social-media\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Reasons Why I'm Not Popular On Social Media: - 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