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What Is Linux Doing Wrong Today?

Date/Time Permalink: 04/22/06 03:22:15 pm
Category: Humor

"Hello, and welcome to today's episode of 'What Is Linux Doing Wrong
Today?' I am your host, Yellow Press, and with me is our hand-picked,
unbiased commentary panel, Internet Reporter, XP-IT Expert, and
Industrial Analyst. For our first report on what that naughty Linux
did wrong today, please welcome An Average Home User. Mrs. Average
Home User, what's your scoop?"

"Well, somebody on the street just gave me this Ubuntu CD and said it
was great stuff, very easy to install, so I took it home and tried to
install it, and I got nothing. And I tried and tried, and got very
frustrated. Finally, I went to a computer store and asked for
help. And they said that I needed a computer first, that I have to
install it on that. Now, how would I have known that?"

"A very typical story. Your thoughts, Internet Reporter?"

"Well, obviously Linux's requirement of having a computer to install
it on is yet another symptom of it's hanging onto outdated methods. In
today's Web 2.0 world, dynamic business solutions should be more
flexible. And if Linux is so great, why does it even need a computer?"

"I see. XP-IT Expert?"

"Well, we have here again the stereotypical Linux attitude of disdain
for the new user. The user was expected to know advanced knowledge of
operating systems, and the members of the Linux community were, as
always, completely unsympathetic towards the new user's dilemma."

"A pattern we see repeated again and again! Thank you, Average Home
User. And now to address our next guest, Joe Sixpack. Joe, what was
*your* negative experience with Linux?"

"Well, I was running Internet Explorer on my Windows XP yesterday, and
it crashed. Just like that. I had to reboot and went to the same page
again, and it crashed again."

"Ah. Industrial Analyst, what do you make of this?"

"Well, here we have it rammed down our throats again and again about
how 'Linux runs the Internet', and yet we see that it did nothing for
this user's experience. If Linux ever hopes to conquer the desktop, it
must rise to overcome these shortcomings."

"OK, now to XP-IT Expert?"

"Here again, the arrogance of the elitist, biased, newbie-bashing
Linux community. No Linux users came to this user's office and
assisted him. No Linux users have lifted a finger to fix this
problem. And I bet half of them if you went to them with this problem,
would deny responsibility. They were doubtless too busy combing their
pony-tails and buckling their Birkenstocks, heedless of yet another
setback for Linux on the desktop."

"If Linux ever hopes to succeed, it should heed well these words. And
now our final guest, a Wino we found in the alley behind the
studio. Mr. Wino, how has Linux had a negative impact on your computer
experience today?"

"Well, Mad Dog 20-20, I remember it went for two bucks a bottle back
in 1985, and now it's up over four bucks! And the newspapers are
getting thinner so you need more of them to cover up and keep warm at
night, and the ink is cheaper so it comes off and stains your
skin. Also, there isn't nearly as good eating out of the trash
dumpsters lately."

"Yet another example of how Linux continues to fail to gain market
share. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of 'What Is Linux Doing
Wrong Today?'. Join us tomorrow when we hear more typical user stories
from a South American Dictator, a Famous Telephone Psychic, and a dog
who can catch two Frisbees at the same time."

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