Update: Oh, alright, here's the translation for the non-cryptographically inclined.
In the rec3nt p4st, I wuz a Linux expert. Wh3n new-comers 2 Linux came
to me 2 ask perf3ctly n4tural questions l1k "How do I turn it on?",
"Why doesn't it talk back when I yell into the microphone thingy with
the little ball and two buttons on it?", and "Is the menu button on
the right side or left side of the taskbar? I forgot!" And 1 wud 4lw4z
t3ll th3m "RTFM". Well, somebody pointed out 2 m3 that doing that was
pretty rude, and i h4v s33n th3 l1gh7. I h4v qu1t b31ng a Linux expert
and jo1ned th3 n3wbz, and I'm inviting 0th3r Linux geeks 2 join me.
If you will uph0ld th1s 04th w1th m3e3e, w3 can mak ths a n1c3r
world. Please sw34r 2 th foll0w1ng 1337 pact and s1gn th1s petition
and p4$$ 17 0n 2 0ther L1nux Uzrs U n0:
(1) Eye pr0mise n3ver again to say "RTFM" to NE-1 again. It izz 2 h4rd
4 peeps 2 do and it m4kes th3m agry. I ackn0wl3dg th4t 1t iz mi
fawlt 4 h0lding Linux back, Bcuz ov 4ll th33z t1mes I sed "RTFM".
(2) Eye will st0p reading NE manuals or b00ks or ejukashunal
matireealz uf NE k1nd, B-cuz it m4kes m3 2 stuck-up. Eye w1l st0p
uzzing th33 cumm4nd lYnn and st0p uzzing man p4ges and 1nfo filez
and d0cbookz and 0ther k1nds uff d0cyoum3ntayshun, too. Th4t stuff
izz 4 3litist sn0bz.
(3) Eye w1ll als0 not ryt docz 4 my pr0gr4mz, b-cuz its 2 h4rd 2 mak
peeps r33d thum. Wh3n wee standard1z on a chat pr0gram that uzzez
the mous to click the butt0ns 2 the onlE twelve 0r s0 wurdz that U
n33d in ch4t, I w1ll effen thro out Mi k3ybord, s0 th4t eye nevver
contribuT 2 th3 3gghe4d3dn3$$ uff the werld agin.
(4) Eye w1ll alzo st0p uzzing G00gle 4 my searchez, and w1ll stop
telling peeps that thay c4n f1nd th3 answ3r 2 ther queshchun on
G00gle. It iz unfare of m3 2 uz my 3liti$t surch-engen-uzing
sk1llz 2 h4v an adv4ntage 0ver th0se HOO don't no h0w 2 uz
surch-engenz.
Pleez cl1ck thee eks butt0n 2 sine:
__
+|| ||+
+\\// +
+//\\ +
+|| ||+
------
N0w 4-w4rd th1s dokyoument 2 efry g33k U no. 2g3th3r we c4n st4mp out
th1s plagg ov l1t3rassie. S1ns33rl33, http://www.penguinpetes.com/
Comments:
Being elite in GNU/Linux mostly means NOT being lazy and willing to find stuff out for yourself. Nobody died from reading a document and nobody died from learning necessary skills. All newbies should buy the boxed set of SUSE Linux and just read the excellent documentation that comes with it. Doing so would avoid stupid questions like "Where is my Windows Media Player?".
Must be symptomatic of todays modern times in which GNU/Linux is the designated Windows replacement and the community is promoted (or is that demoted) to being the new squad of nanny's for the people having digibetes.
Prescription No 4: 2 Linux Experts Stop Saving Newbies from the "Really Terrifying Fragmentation Monster"
In the pub recently, pissed, I beat up a Linux expert. When two new-comers saw the Linux expert came
to me to ask perfectly natural questions like "How do I turn it on?",
"Why doesn't it talk back when I yell into the microphone thingy with
the little ball and two buttons on it?", and "Is the menu button on
the right side or left side of the taskbar? I forgot!" And I cut them
till they screamed "RTFM". Well, somebody pointed out 23 times that doing that was
pretty rude, and I hate seeming a bit slow. Also, I hate quite boring Linux experts,
and jolted the newbies, and I'm inviting other Linux geeks to join me in mass electrocutions...
Anyway, it's a work in progress.