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People Who Will Never Adopt Linux

Date/Time Permalink: 07/06/07 09:50:12 pm
Category: General

I almost fell out of my chair... and it's a recliner.

Slashdot AGAIN posted what is becoming one of the greatest cliched titles since "Netcraft confirms it...": Have another look at The Year of Linux on the Desktop. Now I know what the movie "Groundhog Day" was about; Bill Murray sees the same story pop up over and over again no matter how often he resets his newsfeed.

But like it or not, there are some people who will NEVER adopt Linux, no matter what. Such as...

Hardcore Gamers - Never mind that I currently have more games installed on one of my Linux systems than I ever ran in the sum total of my Windows years; the cutting-edge blockbuster titles will just have to remain out of reach for a while. Even if Big Name Brand game companies ever did accidentally spike their coffee pot with enough ecstasy to decide to make a Linux-portable blockbuster game title, the fans just ain't there. Linux has such a rotten reputation amongst gamers that the mere mention will repulse them. Heck, an argument could be made that Linux theoretically makes a BETTER gaming platform, since fewer cycles wasted on the underlying system leaves more memory to run the game, but do you think any big game companies care?

People who NEVER switch to ANYTHING - There are still people out there clinging to DOS, Xtree Pro, OS/2 Warp, and Commodores. These people buy exactly ONE computer in their entire lives, and they get about far enough to learn maybe four apps and a few games, then they stop there. They just grind on and on, complaining louder every year when their favorite Gopher server shuts down and how their monitor pretty much has a range of five distinguishable colors left. But they won't try anything new ever again - after all, look how the last thing they tried only lasted 25 years! They won't be burned that bad again, no sir!

Mac Users - I hate to break this to some of you, but they've already made a Unix-based system that's user-friendly... it's called "Mac OS X". Most of the benefits of Linux can be had on the Mac, including that famous security. Even the Linux command line is available on a Mac, now that they have Bash just like we do. But they have something we don't: shiny, seamless hardware.

The Crazy Lazy - Not just ordinary lazy, but the kind of lazy where the ambulance has to come and plow through the trashed house to rescue the 800-pound person glued to the couch. The only reason these people have a computer is because someone gave them one, or they have to use one for work. It isn't that they can't learn or won't learn - they are the personifications of anti-learning, and they would love nothing better than for civilization to burn down and see us all revert to cave apes, just because that would mean that nobody would expect them to work so hard.

Bigots - Here we have a vast body of Microsoft followers. They simply believe every word Microsoft has told them for 15 years and that takes up all the spare neurons they have. This is especially pathetic when you hear of these people working in software development: To them a world without Visual Basic and proprietary software is a reason to kill themselves, because there will be no more career for them. They think "Bill Gates says this and he has a lot of money so he must be right."

Photoshop Kiddies - Somehow, these types just earn their own class. We used to disparage pre-teens who think they know everything as "script kiddies", but time shows that even a 15-year-old Javascript hack eventually hits middle-age, has a mid-life crisis, and comes through the experience with a new resolve to achieve some personal growth before they die. However, Photoshop kiddies will never grow up. It is a point of pride with them not so much that they know Photoshop, but that they must remain ignorant of all that came before and all that comes after. Posting bikini-clad women with heads of praying mantises and searching Google for every mention of Gimp on the web so they can flame it is pretty much the only two reasons they own a computer. The snow will be a mile deep in Hell before Adobe ports Photoshop to Linux; end of story.

Luddites - For that matter, these types aren't very enthusiastic about computers in general, no matter what's running on them. A computer to them is a hassle, an annoyance, a nuisance. They have to use one for some reason, though, so they'll reluctantly own one and perform the minimum motions necessary to accomplish Job One, and then shut that damned thing off until next time. These are the people who hit the off-switch no matter how many times you explain to them that it has to be properly shut down. They know that. They hit the off-switch because they think it causes the computer physical pain, which makes them happy.

People who don't own or use a computer - Kinda goes without saying, but what the heck, I said it.

Penguin Pete effect

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