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I For One Welcome Our New Google Overlords

Date/Time Permalink: 07/08/09 03:36:29 am
Category: HOWTOs and Guides

OK, Google, it's about time you stepped up to the pinata and took a swing. You're finally launching your own operating system.

Maybe at last the proprietary monopoly will be shattered.

  • I had hopes when Apple went with a BSD core. Apple let me down.
  • I had hopes for the ReactOS project. They crawled off and died somewhere.
  • I had hopes for Ubuntu. It doesn't want to play ball.
  • I had hopes for Sun Open Solaris. They wimped out.
  • I had hopes for Oracle when they adopted their own Linux. They're asleep.
  • I had bigger hopes when Oracle bought Sun. Nope, they're still asleep.

So it's Google's turn. I'm 0.1% happier than I was a minute ago. Now, Google, here is what you can do:

DON'T SCREW THIS UP!!!

Here is my guide to Not Screwing It Up:

Market!

Plaster it! Saturate it! Find a new Billy Mays and scream it in late-night infomercials! As pitiful and pathetic as Microsoft's sorry excuse for marketing is, I expect the 26th and 27th richest people on the planet to be able to show them how it's done.

Do not mention Linux!

Normally, this is the kind of heresy that I would cut out my tongue for, but this time it's the right thing to do. This has nothing to do with technology; this is about what is in people's heads. Average consumers, if they've heard of Linux at all, have been force-fed 20 years of brainwashing FUD by Microsoft to the point where Linux = evil. Keep your brand name (Even John McCain praised "the Google"!) and "Chrome", that's enough. Wait until you've conquered the market, then wait ten more years, then if you want you can go "Surprise! You've been using Linux!" That's fine.

(And to my beloved brethren and sistren in the Linux community: put your ego away. This isn't about Linux getting desktop recognition, this is about breaking the global dictatorship. Details can come later, if ever.)

Expect trouble in the US!

You will be thwarted. Microsoft owns too much of the US government for you not to be harassed. So don't worry about the US market. Remember, the Metric system caught on everywhere else but the US, too. The US will be your toughest market, even without bought-off senators and officials throwing themselves in your way like salmon.

Ignore the siren song of asstroturfers!

Don't be stupid like a few other open source projects and listen to the thousand flaming trolls in a comment page - they are paid to derail you. Google, you have done very little wrong so far; what market share you've acquired, you've earned fair and square. Don't start doubting yourself now.

Fight for OEM!

On the shelf, installed systems. For sale. In stores. Commercial stores. Chain stores. Big Name Retailers.

Gooood luck, Google! No company in the history of business has had the battle on its hands that you have on your hands today.

If all goes well, within my lifetime I should be able to tell people on the street that I use something besides Microsoft and not have them look at me like I just beamed down from Mars sporting two heads.

That's all I really ask in life.

PS Yeah, I know, some of the assertions and assumptions I made here don't stand without citations, and they're not getting them. Being pedantic right now is a big waste of time.

FOSS is Freedom!

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