I clicked 'click here to enlarge' but I'm still the same size!

A Freelance Writer's Timesheet

Date/Time Permalink: 02/15/12 12:29:04 pm
Category: Humor

I used to work in the corporate world, slaving away in the cubicle salt-mines, until one day when I escaped by crawling through the ventilation vents. Now I'm free to work for myself, but I miss those little quirks of corporate life, like having to report every break like I was in first grade. So I decided to impose upon myself the practice of keeping a timesheet. All-in-all, this will help me not hide from myself when I'm being my own boss.

8:07 - Arrive in office. Morning commute wasn't too busy, being twenty steps or so from bed.
8:08 - 8:20 Check email. Nobody loves me.
8:20 - 8:45 Check newsfeeds. The world didn't blow up today, although a lot of people seem think so.
8:45 - 8:47 Post message to news-site board, politely correcting grammar. It's 'your' for possessive-case pronouns, 'you're' for a contraction of 'you are'.
8:48 - 8:53 Reply to flames that I'm an 'asshat' for pointing that out.
8:54 - 8:55 WRITING: Jot down memo in todo file: "draw funny picture of ass-shaped hat for Daily Funny".
8:55 - 8:56 Select reading material. Settled for newspaper comics page.
8:56 - 9:04 Morning reading break. Wait for spouse to finish with front page.
9:05 - 9:15 Make espresso.
9:16 - 9:21 WRITING: Jot down idea for futuristic dystopia where coffee is a controlled substance. Juan Valdez is now a street dealer.
9:22 - 9:30 Drink espresso. Ponder breakfast.
9:32 - 9:36 Check kitchen. Check online calorie counter.
9:37 - 9:39 Tweet. Browse Twitter feed. Clean out Twitter follow-list, un-following anybody whom fails to prompt my memory as to why I ever followed them in the first place.
9:39 - 9:40 WRITING Begin article for client.
9:40 - 10:10 ABIWord plonks.
10:10 - 10:15 Search computer for signs of file I was editing. Nope, the crash ate it.
10:16 - 10:45 Search Internet for "ABIWord crashes without warning when opening two files". Find nothing helpful, but hundreds of people asking about the same problem in forums.
10:45 - 10:47 Side-tracked into Wikipedia dive, starting from "text editors" and arriving at "semaphore".
10:48 - 10:50 WRITING Jot down idea in idea-file "Morse code poetry". Will use somewhere.
10:50 - 11:33 Finally get hungry enough for breakfast. Used up 76% of my calorie quota for the day.
11:33 - 11:43 Post-breakfast espresso break.
11:44 - 11:46 Check weight. Scale is wonky plus or minus ten pounds. Rock back and forth on feet, average differences.
11:46 - 12:18 Attempt to answer question in online forum about fiat-currency vs. gold standard. Waste several paragraphs trying to explain basic economics before I realize that I'm dealing with a Libertarian whose whole picture of reality comes from Robert A. Heinlein novels.
12:19 - 1:12 RESEARCH "Extraordinary Delusions and the Madness of Crowds", find no compelling mention of goldbug mania.
1:13 - 1:40 Find online ezine for survivalist / gun-nut / conspiracy demographic. RESERCH Browse archive.
1:40 - 1:41 Save image of naked women posed with semi-automatics and bandoliers in war-torn compound setting. New desktop wallpaper, necessary for creative inspiration.
1:42 - 2:29 WRITING Article: "Why Gold Standard Advocates Are Full Of Doo-Doo"
2:29 - 2:41 Email clients. Try to sell gold-standard article. Justify it as appealing to hip-hop music fans via the "bling" connection.
2:42 - 3:30 Rewrite article toning down the angry rant part. Yay, I sold something!
3:31 - 3:55 Discover that I have misplaced client's prior work folder. Search computer. Try to SSH into other computer to search there, discover my SSH configuration is messed up because the computer changed its IP address after rebooting.
3:56 - 4:20 search online for "how to set static IP address on home network". Follow tutorial with nitpicking concentration.
4:21 - 4:32 RESEARCH "Unix - The Complete Manual". Yeah, that's how.
4:33 - 4:45 Drop Unix manual on foot on way back to computer, stub toe, dance around howling.
4:46 - 5:30 Lunch.
5:31 - Give up, what's the use? Quitting time. Spend rest of day playing Minecraft.

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