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Eight Reasons Why The GOP Is A Dead Party Walking

Date/Time Permalink: 11/06/12 11:55:54 am
Category: General

I'm going to be bold on election day and pretend it's a couple days from now when the results are in. I would even post my expected election outcome in the 'prophecies' section, but come on - how barrels-and-fish can you get? We all know what's going to happen, and then a bunch of pundits on the TV will ask each other "Where did the GOP lose its way?" So I'll answer the question everybody will be asking by this time next week.

This way:

1. They're falling apart.

Neocons, "social conservative" vs. "fiscal conservative", Tea Party, Randroids, Dittoheads, "Christian right" vs. "Mormon right" - the party has fractured into bits, all pulling in opposite directions. Did you hear about the buyer's remorse over picking Paul Ryan for VP? That's the six-months-ago GOP saying "I know, we'll unite the Randroid / Tea-Partyers with the GOP base!" followed by the today GOP saying "Heh heh heh, oops, that didn't work."

2. They're based on hate.

Has there ever been a Republican politician's speech that did not devolve into a hate rant? Who are we oppressing today? Shall we restrict women's rights, gay's rights, atheists' rights, non-white's rights, or poor people's rights? Hey, I know, let's just stomp all over a bunch of foreign countries, and then we'll shoot Big Bird, and then we'll burn everybody who disagrees with us at the stake for being a heretic. Oh, wait, I was so busy shooting down hurricane disaster relief that I almost forgot to ridicule scientists!

Look, I've heard plenty of catcalls at the Democrats and other parties, but only the GOP gets called the Party of HATE. When you're about nothing but making other groups of people pissed off, always standing against something and never standing for, you're going to make enemies. And here's the bad news, GOP: There is no cavalry coming, but as you wait here, more enemies will accumulate.

3. All of their spokespeople are sneering villains.

The GOP just can't seem to dig up one likable character, you know? Romney can't go to Britain without pissing them off, and they're allies. But who defends the GOP? Rush Limbaugh. Donald Trump. Clint Eastwood and his talking magic chair. Glenn Beck. All old, rich, mean, cackling white guys, guys who, if they popped up in a Disney movie, you'd know right away who to boo. When it isn't a guy, it's a mean white woman or a ditzy white woman.

Maybe I've watched too many old movies, but aren't politicians supposed to, you know, kiss babies and shake hands and pet doggies and promise a chicken in every pot when they want to get elected? Even Reagan and Bush, hated as they were by their critics, managed to muster some country-western charm in front of a camera once in a while. Babies cry by reflex when they look at a GOP supporter now.

EDIT: Did I mention Glenn Beck? That's him on his radio show literally calling for a wrathful God to destroy the United States of America if Obama gets re-elected. Donald the Trump says ditto. And in Mississippi, 400 students chanted threats and racist epithets in response to Obama's re-election, even burning campaign signs.

Gee. Republicans, you let these guys speak for you unchallenged, and then wonder why nobody likes you anymore?

4. Nearly all the people who get in trouble are on their side.

Quick, think of the last Democrat who got busted for something! You probably thought of Rob Blagojevich, and as of this writing, he has 12 years left to go on good behavior. Before that, you have to think of a certain intern with the initials M.L., sorry to bring her up.

Romney gets busted for taxes, Ryan gets caught rigging a photo-op in a soup kitchen, the GOP in general gets called out for vote-manipulation, there was Ollie North and Iran Contra and Nixon and Bush is guilty of war crimes by some country's standards. Remember the Republican primaries, where Newt Gingrich had a chance? Newt practically had Mafia goons peeking out from his coattails whenever he took the podium, with a cloud of bats following him around, with a closet with a built-in skeleton-compactor, and he still made the other contenders look bad.

Think I'm being hyperbolic? Here's a nice big list. OK, maybe I'm still being hyperbolic - but why do so many GOPs seem to have so much trouble with the law?

5. The rest of the world hates them too.

As this Slate poll shows. If I even have to explain to you why other countries favor Obama over Romney, you're reading the wrong blog and possibly even engaging in the wrong activity entirely. Nearly every country in the world is currently more progressive than the United States, and they're just sick and tired of breathing our smog.

6. Speaking of which, the US is behind other countries on practically everything.

The US is just getting smashed on every international ranking you can name. And the more Republicans deadlocking us in Congress, the worse it gets. Bellow about "socialism" until you're blue in the face, but the United States government had better start doing something for its people pretty soon, or the people are bound to eventually wonder why they have a government at all.

7. How far can you get denying science year after year?

Evolution, global climate change, stem cells, alternative energy, ecology, conservation, and even simple reproductive mechanics - hardly any fan of any of the above is left in the GOP. No one is even questioning it anymore, it's a given. If you're pro-GOP, it's assumed that you're automatically anti-science, as if they're mutually incompatible (even though I just pointed out a couple posts back that that isn't always the case, it's still the accepted norm). If science was a superhero, its arch-nemesis would be a big bully elephant with "GOP" on its chest. Really, we're all living in the 21st century swimming in the wonderful bounty of the products of science, having even used science to win a few wars, I might add, and we have these Luddites being the only ones screaming "science is a really, really BAD thing!" Even Santorum had to complain about these gosh-darned colleges "indoctrinating" (aka "educating") people not to be conservatives.

Oops, forgot to add that to the "enemies of the GOP" list back there: Education. How long can a country go being led by people who oppose education? Don't laugh, it's happened before - it's called Khmer Rouge. Cambodia, by example, shows us what not to do.

8. Bush killed the party like no one else could.

As Time and CNN have reported, George W. Bush is our least-popular living ex-president. And I think that tells us something: why only 27% of Americans identify as Republican as of this last year - and the GOP's stock is in freefall!

Now, I'm sure we'll see the usual charges from the right: The media has a left-wing bias, don't lump this group here in with that "extremist" group over there, etc. And I'm sure there's plenty to point out about the faults of the Democratic party; I, in the majority for a change, identify as 'independent' as well. I know the Democrats aren't the solution to everything. But they are the fabled "lesser of two evils" by a long shot, and if you want to get rid of a two-party system where you're stuck voting for the lesser of two evils, the first thing you have to do is get rid of the consistently worse evil, and then work from the lesser evil to formulate a new party that will be an even lesser evil.

Gallup assures me that at least 63% of you should see it that way, too. If 40% of Americans identify as 'independent', then four out of ten of you are currently wandering the aisles without a party. And it's that majority that now has a chance, like never before, to get its act together and form a truly progressive party that drags the USA kicking and screaming into the 21st century. That new party will have to stand to the far left of our current two right wings.

I'll happily grant that the media has a left-wing bias. Because the media is reflecting the attitude of the United States, which is also showing a strong left-wing bias.

And that's a good, good thing.

Update: A day later, CNN comes to similar conclusions.

Update: Also a day later, The Atlantic comes to similar conclusions.

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