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The Top Six Stupid Things People Have Said About Google Chrome

Date/Time Permalink: 09/08/08 07:11:25 pm
Category: LINKS and Lists

I have to conclude that the best way to make an idiot of yourself in public, besides actually getting naked and setting yourself on fire, is to become a tech blogger. The world of computing technology news is 90% made-up, with everything being rumors, vaporware, over-reactions, over-corrections to over-reactions, FUD, speculation, and completely blind guessing. And of course, as a blogger masochistically bent on self-humiliation, you will have endless opportunity to post first and think later.

Witness the train wreck that is the reporting of the release of Google Chrome. Now, when I saw the news, I checked it out, downloaded the Windows version and tried to run it on Wine (failed), then investigated for the Linux version (fail). Then I shrugged and figured I'd wait until I actually had something to say about it before blogging about it. For those of you wondering why I don't post more often, this is why. For every day that I don't post, there's a time when I could have said something stupid but kept my mouth shut instead.

But here comes fun...

Google themselves:

"Note: There is no working Chromium-based browser on Linux. Although many Chromium submodules build under Linux and a few unit tests pass, all that runs is a command-line 'all tests pass' executable."

Sweet. There's a source code release for Linux, but it's busted. So you can't run it native on Linux, but you also can't complain that there's no Linux version. And the point of this would be? By the way, Google apologetically displays a message if you go to get the Linux version of Chrome, with an offer to submit an email address so you'll get notified immediately as soon as a Linux port is produced. You know, in case the entire Internet goes black and 38,000 tech bloggers suddenly don't report the news for them.


One of many sites chewing Google out for not making the Linux version yet.

"If Google likes open source so much, it could at least let the most important open source operating system (which the open source crowd pretty much likes, right?) have a beta version to test on their preferred platform…"

See, I could go along with that if you were talking about Google Sketch-Up. The market for 3D/CAD graphics tools on Linux is thin. But how many web browsers does Linux have? Like ten million, that's how many. How many Linux users would actually switch from Firefox, were a Google Chrome for Linux be made available today? None. We would download it, blog-review it, and delete it in three days. On the Windows platform, Internet Exploder still has the majority, and that's the important thing is to kill IE. I'll settle for no Linux version if it meant that Chrome replaces IE 100%. In fact, speaking as a website maintainer, I'd part with a couple of minor organs if anything replaced IE 100%.


Did everybody have fun panicking about the EULA before Google retracted it?

"Google owns everything you publish and create while using Chrome. Ah-whaaa?"

Of course, the EULA OF Death got retracted hours later. How ADHD do you have to be to think (a) this wasn't a mistake, and (b) this was enforceable? By definition, every piece of copyrighted content that any webmaster uploads anywhere would become Google property. Duh, they copy-pasted the EULA from something relating to their search indexing, where it makes a lot more sense because webmasters are always trying to sue them for showing thumbnails of their precious Photoslop disasters in search results pages.


"Yet, for today at least, this is still vaporware with zero users."

Written back on the first of September (Labor day). Because it just simply would not do to wait like a whole day to get your hands on it. Oh, and while we're there, how do you "accidentally leak" a 38-page comic book online? Do you just fall out of bed with a pen in your hand and whoops, you drew a comic book, then feed it into the FAX machine with the number punched in to the office, while thinking it's a shredder? Because nobody draws a comic book with the intention of showing it to anyone. Oh, and you have to guess the pages are "30-plus-page" because you just couldn't bother to find out it was 38 pages? That's the investigative reporting we've come to expect from the crack team of experts on the web.


Oh, where is all this pollution in the tech blogosphere coming from? Let me follow the trail of sewage upstream, until I discover...

"Meet Chrome, Google’s Windows Killer"

I should have known. Michael Arrington, the Pied Piper of Stupid. Whenever somebody around you says something that's incredibly brain-damaged, just assume they're copying TechCrunch - or "SpecHunch" as I like to call them. Yes, go read it yourself, M.A. actually has web browsers confused with operating systems. He's going to deny it later, he's going to backpedal like a sunnuvagun and go 'no I really mean something else', but there's the words: "While it seems that Chrome is aimed at IE and Firefox, the target is really Windows." When even my AOL-using mother-in-law says, "What the heck is he smoking?", you know he's just said something infinitely dumb. And SpecHunch is where news agencies like Reuters get their info. Cthulhu help us all.


"I will demonstrate that Chrome [based on what we are allowed to know] puts strain on the Designer and Developer communities, is not innovative (save for one feature), and copies ideas liberally from Google's worst enemy."

tied with

"My greatest problem with the cartoon strip is that while it's supposed to explain how Chrome works, it really explains how all major browsers work, implying that these features were invented for Chrome alone."

It's pretty tough to pick out the single stupidest thing on this page. It's like trying to decide which politician is the most corrupt. OSNews' post is sneaky - it sounds intelligent at first, then starts making bizarre claims, then wanders into increasingly stupider statements. You're just about to wonder at what point the LSD tabs kicked in when, boom, the author starts evangelizing for Internet Explorer 8. Oh, that explains it. Shill.

Actually, I have to conclude that most tech bloggers just don't care a thin damn. They're in it for the paycheck alone; they put their brains on auto-pilot and never take their eyes off the clock until their fingers quit moving on the keyboard, which signifies that it's time to hit the bar. After all, it's not like anybody out there actually reads this crap anyway, right? The boss said "write something about Chrome so we get search hits for it." and lo, much was written.

See you next Goomor.

PS For somebody who actually had intelligent things to say about Chrome, check out Eric's Binary-World review. There, Chrome has been reviewed.

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